What is Love?
Nancy Smay
(baby, don’t hurt me…)
Ahem. Sorry. Am I the only one who sees "Night at the Roxbury" when I hear that song, by the way?
On to our topic of the day… writing love that feels realistic.
This month, Story Strategy Live is all about romance. Dawn talked about making your romance authentic in her post earlier this week, and I want to riff on that just a bit.
Nancy's wedding... we actually got married twice. This was the photo-worthy one... looks romantic, but I spent the night before barfing my brains out from food poisoning! I felt like death.
When you think about “romance” in movies and in books, what kinds of images generally come to mind? Flowers? Candy? Candlelight and star-doused cruises? And the hero and heroine have “relations” at least four times a night and she comes at least nineteen times in the course of it all, yes?
Now consider your own relationship or one you’re familiar with. What does romance (or love) look like there?
In my marriage today, love looks like this:
Making nine million cups of coffee and running them down the stairs to my husband’s office.
Sleeping in the guest room for a night.
Getting up in the middle of the night to make sure he doesn’t need anything and is sleeping okay.
Helping him up and down the nine million stairs in our house while I hold his crutches and wince.
None of it is sexy… but my husband had Achilles repair surgery yesterday, and right now, this is what love looks like at our house. And trust me, this love is being delivered in as grumpy a fashion as possible, because Florence Nightingale, I am not.
Real Relationships Aren't Always Romantic
In “real” relationships, hopefully there are some flowers and candlelight, but we all know there is likely to be a whole lot more of the other stuff (if we’re very lucky.) And THAT is what we need to capture if we are going to write romance that feels real to our readers.
I’m not suggesting you offer every little detail of helping someone recover from a debilitating surgery. But I am suggesting that your romances will feel more authentic if you infuse them with gestures that don’t include flowers and candy and traditional symbols of romance. Much like Dawn’s marriage began with a hammer, most relationships start with an offering that says, “I see the real you and I love you for it. And by the way, I’m here.”
Building "Real" Moments Into Your Story
How can you do this if you want to keep things light and not have someone suffering and need waiting on hand and foot?
Easily:
Show one character bringing the other one their tea exactly the way they like. (This shows that they pay attention when the other uses two teabags and half a packet of Splenda and a tiny touch of milk.)
Demonstrate love by letting one character listen to another talk about something that bores the pants right off them. The difference between the book and real life might be that the character going on and on might acknowledge how nice it is to have someone listen, even when they know the other isn’t really interested. Because they might not be interested in the topic, but they are interested in their partner.
Depending on the type of book you’re writing, sex might be a fundamental part of the story, but you can demonstrate authenticity by having one character realize when it isn’t sex that the other needs--but maybe just a warm hug and a thick blanket.
Really think through your dialogue. Some conversations are rote and obvious, but you can demonstrate one character’s true understanding of another by having them express an insight that few people would have. Maybe one character is talking about how hard his mother struggled to make ends meet during his childhood. Where most people might respond with a statement about how difficult it must have been for his mother, the woman or man who loves this character might look desperately sad on his behalf, and say, “I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.”
I’m not the first to say, “It’s the little things.” But that couldn’t be more true here.
If you need help brainstorming some unique ways to demonstrate love in your romance, we’re here! Book a coaching call or show us what you’ve got so far. And if you’re looking for help with pacing and plotting, don’t miss our romance plotting course here!